


Fatalis Dilemma

by scelestus



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Childhood Trauma, Heavy Angst, I honestly dont know what to tag for this, Identity Reveal, Love Triangles, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mpreg, Past Child Abuse, Terrible Parents, Twins, bc having a child will play a RLY important part in the plot, like.... rEALLY BAD GOD AWFUL LIFE CHANGING TYPE OF MISUNDERSTANDING, more like love pentagon but ya, resulting in 2 fucked up kids, who are twins
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-14 12:42:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28545795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scelestus/pseuds/scelestus
Summary: Can the heart love two people at the same time? What if they're twins named Kai and Jongin?
Relationships: Kim Jongin | Kai/Oh Sehun
Comments: 40
Kudos: 71





	1. Prologue: Wish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> reposted cuz i actually wanna continue this cuz this story is so dear to my heart... ;;

Sehun knows the boy is bad news.

Kim Kai, the notorious troublemaker, who never wears his uniform correctly―ties missing and shirt untucked. Who goes to class two days a week. Who hangs in the alley behind the school doing shady stuff with his equally bad news friends. Who rides a motorcycle and has new bruises on his face daily from getting into fights.

Who has the most bewitching smirk Sehun’s ever seen, a devilish quirk of the lips with a hint of teeth, hair messy and wild, tanned skin and arrogant eyes and crinkled shirt and―

“Yo. I find you interesting. Go out with me.”

It’s the last thing Sehun had expected from Kai when the boy had “summoned” him to the roof, and Sehun had prepared himself for a round of beating for “being a nerd” or some such bullying excuse, not this―

“You’re not gonna turn me down, are you?”

The words sound threatening, but his tone is nothing but smug as the other continues to smirk haughtily at Sehun, like he knows what Sehun’s answer will be―

When Sehun nods timidly, he tells himself he only accepts out of fear of being beaten up had he denied Kai, but―

The blush on his face and the erratic poundings of his heart when Kai pulls him into a victorious hug afterward tell him otherwise.

Kai tugs him out of class, urges Sehun to skip school and plops him down onto his motorcycle, linking Sehun’s arms around his waist as Kai settles in front of him and starts the ignition.

“Be sure to hold onto me tightly,” Kai tells him, glancing back to look at Sehun’s bewildered eyes. “Hug me like your life depends on it. Wouldn’t want you to fall off mid-ride and bruise your pretty little face like mine, hmn?”

 _I think you’re very handsome even with those bruises_ , Sehun thinks silently, but doesn’t voice out. He rests his cheeks onto the broad expanse of Kai’s shoulder, and feels his heart fluttering again.

It seems to do that a lot lately.

Kai takes him on trips through long-winding roads, through stretched out sceneries of trees and grass swaying, shows him cliffs with pretty city views and calm ocean waves when no one’s around to disrupt the quiet.

Kai shows him things he’s never seen before, lets him experiences what he’s never thought would matter, always buried behind textbooks and trying to be the best student he can, and Sehun―

Sehun thinks he might like Kai a little.

Or a lot.

Sehun meets Kai’s dad once.

Kai takes him to a lot of places, but never his house. However, one day, on a rare chance where Sehun had managed to convince him to attend school that day, he had forgotten his textbook at home and Sehun had nagged him enough on the ride there that Kai had relented and turned around, heading back to his house.

They pull up in front of a gate, and Sehun has been distracted by how humongous Kai’s house is―a mansion! Like something out of a movie!―a sleek black car also pulls up and out steps a mid-forty years old man in a posh suit narrowing his eyes in distaste at them.

“Really, Kai? This is how you choose to rebel us? By bringing a _boy_ home? Do you want to taint our name so badly?”

The way the man had spit out “boy” like it was a disgusting term unsettles Sehun, and he clings a little more onto Kai and tries to hide himself behind Kai’s back.

“I think you’re already tainting it enough with those ‘business deals’ you do, father,” Kai snarls. Then he turns the motorcycle around and drive away.

They stop a block away from the school, and Sehun guesses Kai has managed to calm down during the ride, for he turns to Sehun when they get off. “You’ve been quiet.”

“Kai…” Sehun begins, the upsetting feeling inside his stomach still present. “Did you want to date me because I’m a boy? And you had wanted to make your father mad?”

“Well, yes,” Kai answers without gazing at him, and Sehun feels his heart drop.

“Also because you’re such a goody-two shoes perfect student, and I had wanted to corrupt good little boys like you a little,” he continues, and Sehun sinks even more.

“And also, well…” Kai finally glances back at him, face pinched and looking distinctly uncomfortable when he says, “I might find you kind of ridiculously _cute_ , even though you’re a total nerd.”

Sehun blinks, feeling like a weight has been lifted off his chest as his lips spread into a small, shy smile. “You know you can just say you like me,” he tells Kai, giggling.

“Pssh! You know I’m not one for mushy crap like that!” Kai protests, and Sehun giggles harder.

They ends up not going to school that day, instead huddling in a small cafe cuddling in a booth, trading whispered secrets between between covered palms.

And Sehun feels the happiest he’s ever felt, his heart soaring out of his chest, only ever beating incessantly towards Kai.

The school year quickly ends, though, and try as he might, Sehun can’t get his boyfriend to tell him what the boy plans to do after this.

Kai is a year older than Sehun, and this is his senior year. What does Kai plan to do after this? College? A job? Or what?

But everytime he tries to ask, Kai always shuts off and turns moody quickly, avoiding the subject. Sehun feels frustrated at not knowing, but he doesn’t want to push the other.

One day, Kai says, “I’m going to have a graduation party. You should come.”

Sehun is reluctant. “You know how I’m not good with parties or crowds of people, Kai.”

“Yeah, but. It’s your boyfriend’s graduation party. You can’t not come,” Kai insists. “Come on, pleaaaase, Sehun? Do it for me.”

Sehun makes a reluctant face, but feels himself caving, because the other boy is right.

“Besides. I’ll tell you what I plan to do after this at the party. Isn’t that what you’ve been wanting to know all this time?”

Sehun perks up at the words. He should feel happy Kai is finally going to tell him, but the suddenly serious gaze the older boy is giving him makes him feel unsettled―

―like an ominous feeling trying to warn him beforehand.

Sehun regrets it not even half an hour into the party.

There are people everywhere. The house that’s hosting it―one of Kai’s friends house; Sehun isn’t exactly sure who it is since he’s always been too intimidated by his friends to really linger long when the older boy is with them―is big, obviously a rich kid’s house, but one wouldn’t know it judging from the mass of bodies piling everywhere in the various rooms and hallways.

“Kai, I’m gonna―” Sehun tries to yell to get his words across through the loud bangings of the speakers, “go upstairs and rest a little. I’m starting to get a headache.”

Kai gives him an understanding look, halfway through downing a whole bottle of beer, and nods. “Alright. Find an open room and get some rest. I’ll come find you in a bit after I finish this game, okay?”

Sehun nods back, and weaves his way through the crowds to find the stairs. It’s undoubtedly much quieter up here, and he quickly finds a free room to settle in.

The lights are hurting his eyes, so he turns them off, the only source of light coming from the moonlight through the windows now, and crashes onto the bed.

Not half an hour has passed before he hears the door opening, and Sehun sits up to blink owlishly at the source.

He can’t see clearly due to the dim lighting, but the features are familiar enough that Sehun finds himself recognizing, at ease once again. “You’re already finished with your game, Kai?”

“…Yeah,” Kai says, voice oddly quiet as he closes the door behind him with a click, and Sehun tilts his head at the sound of a lock.

“Is whatever you’re gonna tell me private? Is that why you locked the door?”

“…Sehun…” Kai murmurs, settling onto the bed beside him, and Sehun can only make out shaded angles of his face even with the close distance.

“Jesus, your breath reeks of alcohol. I told you not to drink too much, you know,” Sehun scolds. “Are you wearing a different shirt? Did you spill beer on the old one?”

Kai only nods, and catches Sehun’s hands in his when the latter tries to straighten up his crooked collar.

“Sehun…” Kai repeats, voice a low and deep sound before he closes the distance between them and connects their lips together.

Sehun’s eyes flutter shut, kissing back. The kiss quickly turns heated and Sehun jolts when he feels hands sliding down his shirt, trying to unbutton it.

“W―Wait, Kai, what are you doing?” Sehun exclaims, jerking away. They’ve never gone farther than the occasional deep kisses simply because Sehun has been too scared to and Kai has never pushed him.

“Sehun, _Sehun_ ,” Kai mumbles, a palm sliding up to curl around the naked skin of his neck, and Sehun feels himself shivering at the touch. “I love you.”

Sehun freezes, eyes widening. What… did Kai just say?

“I keep thinking about you day and night. I think you’re driving me crazy―I can’t get you out of my head. God, I want you _so much_.”

Sehun flushes as his heart is beating erratically inside his chest. Kai… loves him and wants him? It’s true that the older boy has never made him doubt about his feelings towards Sehun, but… He’s always refused to say them outloud, and finally hearing it after months of dating feels―

―so nice. Like a dream come true.

“Y―You _love_ me?” Sehun whispers, voice awed.

“Yes, I love you so much. Tell me, do you love me, too?”

“Of course I love you,” Sehun tells him sincerely, feeling like his heart might burst from the confession.

“Then…” the other licks his lips slowly before continuing. “Will you let me make love to you? I want… I want us to become one. I want you so badly to become _mine_.”

And Sehun, young and foolish and tethering on the brink of his first love, experiencing love and having it returned back, finds himself nodding.

So he closes his eyes when Kai leans in to kiss him again. Lets Kai push him down the bed. Lets Kai hover over him. Lets Kai touch him in his most intimate places, where no one has ever been able to, before.

That night, Sehun gives him both his heart and body, letting Kai do whatever it is he wants with him.

Kai disappears after that night.

Sehun wakes up alone, in the bed, all dressed and cleaned up properly. A quick look out the hall lets him see various sleeping bodies hanging all over the house, no doubt the aftermath of a crazy party.

But he can’t find Kai anywhere.

A call to his cell phone notifies him the line has been cancelled and that this number is no longer of use. When Sehun tries to visit Kai’s house he is turned down at the gate, none of Kai’s family agreeing to speak with him. When Sehun finally works up the courage to ask some of Kai’s friends, all they had told him is that Kai is off in another country, studying abroad, and wow, did Kai never tell Sehun?

_Studying abroad―_

Sehun spends two months of summer locking himself in his room and crying himself to sleep.

Then comes the nausea.

Two weeks of nonstop puking in the mornings, noons, and basically at the slightest trigger of any food, and a hospital visit later, Sehun finds himself sitting in a doctor’s office, gazing disbelievingly at the man.

“ _Pregnant―_ ”

“While rare, male pregnancy is actually possible,” the doctor informs grimly. “There is approximately a 0.412 percent chance of a male being able to have child. With billions of people in this world, I guess that very small percent chance falls onto you.”

The doctor starts ranting off more informations about statistics and the precautions he has to take―being a pregnant teenager is at the risk of more potential health complications―but Sehun finds himself tuning out, sitting blankly in the office, white noise ringing in his ears.

“Please don’t tell me it’s that Kim boy’s,” his mother barks at him the moment they get home.

Sehun keeps quiet.

“I keep telling you he was bad for you! It was a good thing your grades never slipped despite all the uncouth things I know you did with him, but―pregnant? With his child? And where even is he now?”

 _I wish I knew_ , Sehun thinks wryly.

“What are we going to do with you, Sehun? You have a whole bright future ahead of you! This baby can’t happen!”

Sehun stills, snapping his eyes up at his parents. “Wait, what do you mean, ‘this baby can’t happen’?”

“Think about it, son,” his father tries to tell him gruffly. “You’re sixteen, only in your second year of high school. How are you going to continue your education while having a kid? It’s not possible!”

“…Then I won’t.”

“What!” his mother shrieks. “You are ranked in the Top 5 in the entire school! You’re on track to becoming something great in the future! You can’t give this all up for a―a baby!”

“How can you guys stand here and suggest for me to abort this baby?” Sehun gasps despairingly. “There is―There is a _life_ inside me. A whole person. How can I put my future above this child?”

“Are you aware you’ll be raising this child without that Kai boy? Are you planning to become a single parent at sixteen? When you could’ve continued your studies and become so much more for your future?”

“So I’ll… I’ll be missing a few years of school. I can always go back when the baby grows up a little. But if I decide to―to not have this baby, then I can’t ever get this baby back, do you understand? Do you understand!” he screams, eyes brimming with tears.

“But Sehun―!”

“No! My decision is final. I don’t care if you’re going to disown me. I’m going to have this baby no matter what. I can never―never abandon him.”

 _After all, he is Kai’s flesh and blood, and will be the only thing remained that links me to Kai, anymore_ , he tells himself quietly.

Sehun decides to name the baby _Sowon_ , which means “wish”.

Sehun decides he’s never going to stop wishing―for the baby to grow up healthily, for the baby and him to live peacefully, for them to―

―maybe someday meet Kai again.

Because despite everything, Sehun still loves Kai, and he doesn’t think this feeling is ever going to fade.

So Sehun chooses to believe. To hope. To _wish_.

That one day, Sowon and him will meet Kai again, and together, they’ll become a happy family.

Sehun will meet Kai again someday, he’s sure of it.

So he chooses to wait.

Sehun chooses to believe in Kai.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i will try to post a new chapter every few days. but if i forget feel free to scream at me @ [twitter](https://twitter.com/hyuninacc) cuz we need to catch up quickly before i can update new shit cuz we got like 30+ old chapters of reposting to do....... /dies


	2. Something Like It

Sehun rushes home as soon as he can, door slamming as he bursts into the room. “How―How is he…?”

Chanyeol looks up from the couch. “In bed. I don’t think  he’s  asleep yet, though.”

“And the bruises?”

“They’re bruises,” the other shrugs. “His left cheek is purple and blue, but it’s nothing that won’t heal. I did apply some ointment over it.”

Sehun nods. “Thanks, Chanyeol. I’ll go check on him now.”

“Hey,” the other calls out. “Do ask him what happened, will you? He refused to tell me, no matter what I asked. And you know how onesided a teacher’s account is.”

“Okay.” Sehun makes his way to one of the two bedrooms in the apartment. The room is dark when he opens the door, only asmall nightlamp alit. “Sowonie?”

The little boy looks up from his picture book with a pout. “Daddy, you’re back…”

Sehun gives a small smile as he settles onto the bed next to the boy. “Yes, I’m back. How’s my little boy?” His eyes rake over the child’s face. As Chanyeol had said, his left cheek is bruised, and Sehun ghosts fingers over it. “Does it hurt?”

The boy huffs. “Nope! Sowonie is a big boy!”

Sehun chuckles lightly. “If you say so. Now then… Are you going to tell me what happened?”

At this, the boy curls into himself, clearly hesitant.

“Sowonie, you know it hurts daddy to see you hurt, right?” Sehun looks at his son anxiously. “Please tell me what happened.”

Sowon must’ve noticed the worry in his eyes, for the little boy finally relents, “I hit Kiseok so he hit me back. And that’s how the teacher found us.”

“You hit him first?” Sehun widens his eyes in shock. “Why? Did he do something wrong?”

The boy huffs again.

“Sowonie…”

Sowon picks at his shirt petulantly, lips drawn into a sulk as he mumbles, “He called me a girl…”

“What?” Sehun is only more shocked. He doesn’t think his son look particularly like a girl, although he does have a few feminine features from unfortunately taking after Sehun’s looks.

“He said Sowon is a _girl’s_ name!” the other reveals, voice raising. “He said he saw a girl singer with that name on TV, so a man shouldn’t have that name! And it made me mad, so I hit him. I’m sorry, daddy…”

Sehun looks at him with pained eyes. Of course, this is his fault. He was the one who caused this by naming a boy ‘Sowon’ when it’s generally used for a girl. And now he had made his son suffer teasing because of it.

“I’m sorry, Sowonie…” Sehun sighs, patting him on the headsadly. “It’s my fault… I had really liked the name Sowon, and had decided I’d name my child that before even knowing if you were a boy or a girl… Once I found out, I had already gotten too attached to that name, so I decided to go with it, anyways. And now it’s hurting you…”

“ _No_ , daddy!” Sowon shakes his head vigorously. “I wasn’t hurt! I was mad because I liked my name too, and I didn’t want him to say bad things about it! I was p―potacting my name!”

“It’s ‘protecting’,” Sehun cracks a smile. “Where did you learn  such a big word, hmn?”

“That’s because Sowonie is a big boy, I told you!” The other puffs out his chest proudly. “I learned it when the teacher read us this story! In it, the prince was protecting the princess, because he loves her!”

“Is that so?” Sehun continues to smile in amusement.

“Yup! I love my name, so I was protecting it from stupid Kiseok!”

Sehun sniffs, his chest warming as he pulls the little boy into his arms. “Thank you for protecting your name, Sowonie. I am the happiest because I have you as my son.”

“I am happy you are my daddy, too, daddy!” Sowon exclaims, clutching tiny palms onto Sehun’s shirt. “And I love you, so I will protect you, too! So daddy, don’t get hurt, okay?”

“Okay,” Sehun agrees, pulling back to look at his grinning son with unshed tears in his eyes. “But you have to not get hurt either. The next time you get mad, tell your teacher and stay away from him. But don’t hit him again.”

Sowon pouts. “Even though he was being a meanie?”

Sehun nods. “Don’t hurt others, even if they had hurt you. Hurting someone as revenge only leads to more hurt."

"Revenge?"

"Look, you hurt him, then he hurt you back, and now you’re both hurt, right?”

“I guess…”

“Promise me you’ll stay safe,andtrytobeagoodboy,okay?” _Don't_ _do_ _unto_ _others_ _what_ _you_ _don't_ _want_ _others_ _to_ _do_ _unto_ _you_ , Sehun wants to say, but he doubts a four-year-old boy can understand its meaning.

It’s been Sehun’s motto for living, though, all these years. He doesn’t want to hurt anyone, no matter who had hurt him. He just wants to live peacefully with Sowon forever.

“Okay, I promise, daddy… Just for you…” The boy is reluctant,  but nods.

“Thank you, Sowonie. That’s my good boy.” Sehun gives his sona kiss on the forehead before saying, “Now, let me tuck you into bed and let's go sleep, hmn?”

“Okay!”

“So? How was he?” Chanyeol asks as soon as he closes the door to Sowon’s room.

“He’s fine. Apparently the fight was because some boy in his class called him a girl for having Sowon as a name…” Sehun sighs, settling down onto the couch and closing his eyes.

“Hey, don’t look like that. It’s not your fault kids can be such assholes these days.”

“Language, Chanyeol!” Sehun scolds.

“Sowon is asleep, who cares,” Chanyeol grins at him before turning serious again. “I mean it, though. Don’t beat yourself up over it. Sowon is a nice name.”

“That’s what Sowon said, too…” Sehun mutters. “He said he hit  the kid because he was protecting his name, since he loves it…” He can already feel the tears gathering in the corners of his eyes again at the thought.

“Hey, come on now, cheer up! Everything’s fine! Gosh, you’resuch a crybaby!”

“Shut up,” Sehun sniffles. “These are happy tears.”

“Right, whatever you say.” The other sticks his tongue out. “Hey, speaking of happy, how did the interview go?”

“Ah!” Sehun brightens up at this. “I actually got accepted! It was unreal, Chanyeol! They told me I can start work next week!”

“Wooow, that’s great! See, I knew you could do it!”

“Hehe, thank you,” Sehun giggles, looking up at the other with grateful eyes. “Really. I don’t know what I would’ve done today, if you hadn’t been there to pick Sowon up for me when the school had called about the fighting… I probably would’ve had to cancel my interview, and then I’d never gotten this job…”

“Hey, it’s no big deal. We’re friends, right?” Chanyeol says, grinning.

“Yes, we are,” Sehun replies, smiling sincerely at him.

Sehun shifts his weight as he waits in the lobby. The suit he’s wearing is old, kind of ragged-looking for such a classy, luxurious building like this, where everyone is dressed like they’re swimming in money (they probably are), all posh and elegant,  making him feel so out of place.

Hopefully, with this new job, he’ll be able to afford a new suit just to befit this company better.

“Mr. Oh Sehun?”

“Ah, yes, that’s me,” Sehun almost jumps up at his name.

“Please follow me. The president would like to meet you first before we assign you to your desk.”

“Right,” Sehun nods, following after her.

“Though your position is his secretary, you mustn’t bother him unless he asks for you,” the woman explains as they ride the elevator up. “Mr. Kim is a very busy person, so you’ll be in charge of taking care of his miscellaneous documents and checking over things. You’ve read over the files we’ve sent you, correct?”

“Yes,” Sehun replies, feeling his nerves already fraying. It’s been somewhat of a miracle to get accepted into Kim Foundation, one of the leading conglomerate in the country with branches all across Asia. Sehun knows his grades were stellar, but he didn’t  exactly  have any experiences, having just graduated university at  twenty- one.

“Here we are,” the woman explains, directing him to a giant two-doors entrance. There’s a plate to the side with “President, Kim Jongin” written on it in golden emblazoned script, and Sehun  gulps before knocking.

“Come in,” is the voice on the other door.

Sehun opens the door, expecting to faint out of nervousness at meeting the president of the company, not―

Not _this―_

The door shuts automatically with a click as he steps inside the room, but Sehun doesn’t even notice as he takes in the man sitting before him on a grand sculptural desk.

The man’s eyes are focused on some documents on his desk, attention occupied, but even from this angle, with his head half- way down, Sehun can still see―

―The man Sehun has never been able to forget, despite five years passing by. The one he still dreamt about, on nights when it got too lonely with just Sowon and him, and Sehun would just look at Sowon, and thought―

_―Oh, how I wish you could’ve seen your son now, Kai. He’s grown so big―_

―The man who’s right in front of his eyes right now―

_―Kai―_

“K―K―” Sehun tries to stutter out, but feels all the breathknocked out from his lungs, his limbs numbed―

His heart, though. It won’t stop pounding furiously insidehischest, like it’s trying to smash its way out from his ribcages.

Sehun is frozen in shock, but the other doesn’t even seem to notice as he scans over some documents before looking up.

“Welcome to the company. I’m Kim Jongin. You’ll be working as my secretary starting from today.”

_Jongin?_ Sehun repeats internally in disbelief, because this man here―

He might look older, his features more matured, and his hair isn’t wild and messy anymore, instead slicked back and styled into a classy, dapper look, and he’s no longer wearing ragged t-shirts and ripped jeans, but form-fitted into a posh black suit, but―

But there is no way Sehun can possibly not recognize the man whom he had once called his boyfriend, his _lover_ , before. The one Sehun gave _everything_ to before he disappeared in a cloud of smoke, leaving him with _child―_

“Y―You don’t recognize me?”

“Hmn?” Jongin tilts his head. “Have we met somewhere before?”

Sehun feels like he can’t breathe all of a sudden, his chestburning with something― _something―_

Hurt. Despair. Anger. Forsaken.

“You really don’t remember me?” his voice is but a faint whisper, but the other hears him anyways as he glances back at the papers in his hands.

“Oh Sehun, right? I don’t think I recognize that name… Are you sure you didn’t mistake me for someone else?”

Sehun bores eyes into the other, desperately searching for any faint traces of recognition, and finds nothing but confusion.

He feels something crack inside his chest.

“No, you’re right,” he finally replies, taking in a deep breath. “My apologies, Mr. Kim.”

This man here―someone Sehun had given both his heart  and  body to, years ago. Someone Sehun had foolishly clung onto the hopes of meeting again. Maybe reuniting as a family afterall these years.

This man here―his new boss, and―

―the _father of his child―_

“I guess I really did mistake you for someone else, Mr. Kim,” Sehun finishes, voice cold and detached.

―is the man Sehun hates the most in this world.

Sehun is grateful Sowon is still at his grandparents’ house by the time he gets home, so he can just beeline into his room, locking it and sliding down the door shakily afterward.

And _cries._

Cries for five years of unfaltering hope. Of wishing someday hewill be able to meet Kai again. Of introducing Sowon to him. Of telling him, _“Look, this is your son. And me. We still love you very much, so can we be together again? Can we be a family,_ _Kai?”_

Raising Sowon by himself had been hard. So hard. And so lonely. But whenever things had gotten rough, Sehun would look at Sowon, thought of hisname,andremindedhimselftokeep _wishing_.

_Keep faith._

Because Sehun had loved Kai, and he had wanted to believe that Kai had loved him _back_ , too. That he had reasons for leaving Sehun. That he would return someday, to reunite with Sehun again, and Sehun would forgive him. He would happily accept Kai back into his arms again, except―

―except Sehun now learns it’s all nothing but wishful thinking.

_False hopes._

And it’s fine. Maybe Kai didn’t love him―never did―and he had even forgotten about Sehun after five years, but it’s _fine_.

Don't do unto others what you don't want others to do unto you.

Don’t hurt, even if they had hurt you. Hurting someone as revenge only leads to more hurt.

If Kai had never loved him, then Sehun will let him go. He won’t wish ill on the other man.

It’s fine.

He has Sowon with him, and that’s the most important thing in the world to him.

It’s _fine_.

“Oh Sehun, you can get through this,” Sehun whispers to himself, choking on his tears as he wheezes, shoulders shaking uncontrollably as wretched sobs wrack through his body despite him chanting, “You will be fine. You will be fine. It will be _okay_ , Oh Sehun―”

But if everything will be okay, then why does it _hurt so much_?

One week.

One week of burying himself into endless piles of documents. Of answering calls. Of leaving voice messages to the President’s answering machine reminding him he has so-and-so schedule today. Of sitting in his cubicle, minding his own business while the giant entrance fronted by two doors remain closed.

The receptionist had been right―the President is a very busy person, and a week passed by with Sehun barely seeing him at all.

Which is good. Which is fine, to Sehun.

If the pay isn’t so good, Sehun would’ve quit the moment he got himself together.

Which he did. Sehun is fine.

And if Kai wants to be Jongin now, and wants to pretend like they never knew each other, then. Okay.

Sehun will do what Kai― _Jongin_ ―wishes.

“Did you get the documents signed already?” Junmyeon, one of the company’s directors and apparently Jongin’s cousin, asks.

Sehun looks up from his desk. “Which one?”

“The liquidation of Meha Enterprise. We need Jongin’s signatureto buy it.” The other makes an impatient noise. “I told mysecretary to tell you to have it taken care of ASAP. Did you miss the memo?”

Sehun resists the urge to purse his lips. Junmyeon’s secretary did dump a bunch of files on him this morning, telling him to look at it, but Sehun had been too busy with the other files that he had neglected it. “I’m sorry,” he says, shifting through the papers tofind the exact one. “I’ll file this to Mr. Kim now.”

“No, it’s going to get buried in his mountains of paperworks again,” Junmyeon snaps, gesturing to Jongin’s door. “Go tell him to sign it. And bring it back to me immediately. I’ll be waiting in my office.”

Without leaving Sehun a chance to respond, the other man stalks away, and Sehun sighs quietly. _This is what happens when you’re working as someone’s underling, Sehun_ , he tells himself. _It’sokay. He’s higher-ranked than you. So do what he tells you to_ _do_ _so you won’t get on his bad_ _side._

_Live peacefully_ , Sehun reminds himself.

The problem is… Sehun glances uneasily at the doors to Jongin’s office. Junmyeon is right―if he waits until the stacks of papers are brought to Jongin periodically, it will definitely take a longer time than if he were to go into the office right now and asked the man to sign it himself.

This means he’d need to see Jongin face to face, though…

_All for the good of the job, Oh Sehun_ , he murmurs quietly. _This is a good job with a good pay. Sowon is starting Elementary School next year. You’ll need the money for his school supplies. This isfor Sowon._

With this chanting inside his head, Sehun steels himself and knocks on the door.

There is no answer and Sehun has to knock harder the next time for a voice to call, “Come in.”

When he opens the door after great trepidation, the first thing he sees is Jongin hunched over his desk, scanning over  some  papers.

“Mr. Kim,” he starts, “Director Junmyeon would like you to sign the documents to buy Meha Enterprise after their liquidation…”

When Jongin finally glances up to him, his eyes are bloodshot,like he hasn’t slept in days.

Something pangs inside Sehun’s heart.

Sure, Jongin might be loaded, and being the president to such a wealthy and powerful company is every man’s dream comes true, but…

If it’s at the cost of his health…

The Kai that he knew wouldn’t let himself be shackled by an office position like this. That Kai might not be as wealthy, but he would  look a lot healthier, and maybe―

―maybe happier, too.

_Wait, what do I care about what Kai―or Jongin, whatever―wants to do with his life? Who cares if he looks like death warmed over?_

_Not my business―_

“Give it here,” Jongin says, snapping Sehun out of his internal thoughts, and the latter stumbles towards the desk and hands him the folder.

Jongin is quiet as he reads and signs, leaving Sehun to stand awkwardly waiting for him. Once the man is done, Sehuninternally sighs in relief, taking the document and about to high-tail it out of there, when―

“Wait. Can you brew me a cup of coffee and bring it here?” Jongin’s voice rings just as Sehun’s hand is on the doorknob.

“S―Sure,” Sehun replies. “Any flavor?”

The other hesitate for a moment before speaking, “Hazelnut. One spoon of sugar. Don’t make it too sweet.”

Sehun nods jerkily before walking out.

After delivering the documents to Junmyeon, he takes the elevator down to the company’s cafeteria.

There isn’t really anyone here yet, since it’s still early in the morning and not yet for break, and Sehun finds himself quietly brewing the coffee.

The Kai he knew disliked coffee. Said they were too bitter. And that he had enough stamina that rivaled a lion he’d never need the energy boost-up, no matter how tired he got.

Then again, the Kai back then wasn’t president to a multi-million dollars company. Didn’t have himself buried twenty-four-seven in paperworks.

With a small sigh, he sets the now-brewed cup of coffee on asmall plate and carefully makes his way up the floors. It’ssteaming hot, and the fog is covering his vision with every step.

Surprisingly, the doors to Jongin’s office is opened, so Sehun doesn’t have to set the plate down to knock, and Sehun unwittingly feels warm at the thought that Jongin had gotten up to open it after Sehun had left, to make it easier for him to get in.

“H―Here is your coffee…” Sehun mumbles, stepping in front  of  the desk and about to set the plate down, when there’s a shrill noise blaring in the air from the speakers, making him startle in surprise and jerk.

Sehun feels like he’s watching everything on slow-motion as the cup on the plate wobbles before falling down, splattering coffee onto his hands and the papers splayed all over before crashing onto the desk.

“ _Ah―_ ” Sehun’s hands shake, clutching each other as the scalding coffee burned through his skin, and his eyes are tearing up inpain, but he can’t rip his gaze away from the black poodle of liquid spreading all over the documents and the desk and―

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, Mr. Kim,” Sehun sniffles, hands shaking and it hurts _so much_ , but there is a more pressing matter of him spilling coffee onto important documents―contracts and  agreements and records and―

Oh no, he’s going to get fired for sure. And that’s not even mentioning if he can get sued for destroying important properties―

He’s so wrapped up in panic and pain that he hasn’t realized Jongin had leapt out of his seat, pulling Sehun slowly towards the couch on the side and pressing him down to sit on it.

“This isn’t good,” Jongin murmurs, inspecting his hands. He quickly strides towards the window and comes back with a vase of flowers. Sehun watches, in transfixed horror, as the other man throws the flowers onto the floor carelessly before dumping the content of water onto Sehun’s hands, drenching the rug beneath them.

“ _Ah…_ ” Sehun sobs, eyes squeezed shut as cold water floods his burned skin. “It hurts…”

“I know, but you have to bear it, okay?” Jongin’s voice is a calm, soothing tone as he holds Sehun’s hands in one hand and the other on the vase, carefully pouring the water until it’s all drained.

“Does it feel a little better, now?” Jongin asks. Sehun hiccups as he timidly opens his eyes. It’s only then that he realizes how close Jongin is currently―Sehun sitting on the couch while Jongin is kneeling onto the floor in front of him, and… _Oh god_ , his pants are drenched from the splattering water, and so is the rug, and the coffee is still dripping down from the desk’s surface, the documents are still soaked, and―

“I’m so sorry,” Sehun chokes out. “Your office is in chaos because of me. The flowers, the vase, the water, the coffee, the desk, your important documents…” His breath hitches on another sob. “I’m sorry I’m so incompetent… I’d understand if you want to fire me or  even sue me for ruining company property…”

Sehun is so caught up in the tears blurring his vision he almost misses Jongin’s quirk of the lips as he says, “You just got a third-degree burn and yet you’re so worried for everything _but_ yourself?”

“H―Huh?”

Jongin drops his gaze down onto his hands again. The skin is still red and raw, but it has reduced into a numb sort of throbbing instead of the excruciating pain it had been earlier.

“This should probably be looked at,” Jongin declares, getting up. “Do you have someone who can drive you to the hospital? Or should I have someone drive for you?”

“T―The hospital?” Sehun gapes. “That’s not necessary. It’s just a little burn. It’ll heal by tomorrow.”

The other frowns at him. “You should have it looked at so the doctor can give you some ointment to help heal.”

“I have some at home, it’s okay,” Sehun quickly says. The last thing he needs is to go to the hospital―he definitely won’t be able to afford hospital bills right now. Especially for something as trivial as being coffee-burnt. “Really. I burn myself cooking all the time. No worries,” he adds upon seeing the unconvinced expression  on  Jongin’s face.

“…Alright,” the other relents. “Then go home. I'm giving you the rest of the day off to rest. Can you drive with those hands?”

“I―I take the bus, so…” Sehun stutters, surprised he’s being letoff a day early to rest. “Y―You’re not going to fire me?”

Jongin spares an amused glance at his desk, still drenched in murky black-brown liquid. “No,” he replies. Sehun is barely able to  sigh in relief when he continues, “Only if you promise you’ll brew me a cup of coffee every morning from now on to make it up, and don’t spill any next time.”

“I―I―” There’s a mischievous smile on Jongin’s face, and for one petrifying moment, Kai’s face flashes before him―hair messier, face bruised up, in ragged clothings instead of an impeccable suit, but―but the eyes, the nose, the smile with a hint of teeth―

They’re _all_ the same.

Sehun’s breath hitches, hands trembling again due to a _different_ reason this time, and he screams at himself toget ahold of himself, this isn’t―

“So is that a promise, Secretary Oh Sehun?” Jongin asks, not seeming to notice his internal crisis.

“S―Sure. Thank you, Mr. Kim…” Sehun mutters, head dropping down timidly.

“It’s fine. Now go. I need to call the cleaning department to take care of this before my entire office reeks of coffee, anyways.”

“I―I’m really sorry…”

“I told you, it’s fine. I’m just glad you’re okay, Secretary OhSehun,” Jongin murmurs, voice a little too quiet, and when Sehun looks up, there’s a soft, gentle smile on the other’s face.

Sincere. Like he’s really glad Sehun is okay. And his _eyes―_

“T―Then, please excuse me,” Sehun mumbles, body dropping into a bow before bolting out of there, because―

Too close.

That was _too close_.

Because Kai, for all his arrogant and tough display he liked to put up, all of his bad boy attitude―

Beneath all the facade was an incredibly gentle and caring person to Sehun. Always nice towards him, always loving―

Always looked at Sehun with something like _affections_ ,like adoration, like truth and sincerity―

And _this_ Jongin. The Jongin of five years later. The look in his eyes just now―

―had frighteningly looked _something like it_.

Jongin had looked at Sehun with gentle, affectionate eyes, justlike the Kai of back then, and Sehun is scared to think of the reasons _why_ that could be.

He probably mistook it… right?

It becomes something of a routine, albeit a bit against his will, for Sehun to bring Jongin coffee every morning. After that absolutely _horrendous_ incident that day, Sehun tries his best to be more careful and not get too close to the other man again.

Jongin, for his part, doesn’t seem to want to partake in conversations of pleasantries with him, either. Usually, he is too busy working through the mountain of paperworks on his desk to spare him more than a quick “thank you”.

A president of a company no doubt has a lot of work and responsibilities, but Sehun suspects the other man is simply avery diligent person himself, taking his own time off to spend late nights in the office instead.

Which is totally different from Kai’s personality, a person best described as “all play and no work”.

But then again, Kai could have simply matured. Or whatever. Sehun doesn’t care.

It’s a new morning, a few weeks since. Jongin’s just given him a brief word of gratitude while Sehun sets the cup of coffee down.

Normally, Sehun would move to bow and leave the office right away. Today, however, it seems the other is able to spare a moment to actually drink his coffee instead of neglecting it.

Sehun finds himself staring as Jongin starts to sip from the cup, and he must’ve been spacing out for a bit too long, for the next thing he hears is, “Is something wrong?”

“H―Huh?”

When Sehun blinks, Jongin is already setting the cup down, his gaze surprisingly on Sehun for once. “You’re staring. Did I wear my shirt inside out?”

“Ah, no, of course not!” Sehun gasps, cursing himself for spacing out. “P―Please excuse me, Mr. President.”

He’s about to make a quick dash out the room when the other calls, “Wait.”

“Y―Yes…?” Sehun reluctantly turns around, nervous.

Jongin quirks a smile. “Why do you always look like a scared little kitten around me? Am I that intimidating?”

Sehun brings wavering eyes at him before dropping his head. “No… It’s… nothing…” Not scared, but…

Well. Sehun doesn’t exactly know how to act around him. How do you talk to someone who was the love of your life, the father of your child, and had totally forgotten about you?

Sehun hates him. _Should_ hate him. But…

He’s always been weak when it comes to Kai, and this Jongin is… _kind_. Like how Kai was. It’s confusing him.

“Hmn…” the other hums, obviously not convinced but chooses to drop it. “Then tell me why you were staring at me.”

“Oh, it’s…” Sehun stutters, wondering if he should say it. “It’s just… I’ve noticed you always cringe whenever you drink the coffee… I was wondering if you didn’t like it, and if so, why you never tell me…”

“Oh, that,” Jongin makes a noise of surprise. “I didn’t think you’d notice. Sorry, it’s not that I dislike it. It was just… a little too sweet for me.”

“Too sweet? Should I put less creamer in it next time? More coffee?”

“Ah, no. I… I like the scent of hazelnut. It’s very calming to me. So if you put less creamer the scent won’t be as strong. It’s fine. I guess I’m just not much of a sweet-tooth person.”

Kai had a total sweet-tooth. He was always chewing on gums or candies, making Sehun nag him often that he would get cavitiesas a result.

Then again, maybe Kai grew up. “I see…”

“It’s really no big deal. Thank you for worrying, though.” Jongin gives him an assuring smile.

Sehun feels something ache inside his chest. “Okay… If you’ll excuse me then, Mr. President.”

Sehun bows before leaving the room.

The ache doesn’t go away.

Sehun is probably stupid for doing this, but…

With a sigh, he opens the door, the bell chiming signalling his entrance.

“Uwaah, daddy, what is this place? There is candy everywhere!” Sowon asks beside him, stars in his eyes at all the colorful displays.

“This is called a confectionary store. Well, it also sells other stuff, but yeah. Let me look for something first, then I’ll buy you whatever candy you want, okay?”

The little boy nods excitedly, eyes already distracted on a glass tube of candy near them.

“Hello sir, how can I help you today?” one of the staff asks behind the counter.

“I’m looking for, like. Grinded seeds? Of hazelnut. That I can put into liquids like coffee so it can give off the scent. Do you have something like that?”

“To add flavor to the drink, right? Yes, we do. There are several brands, would you like to see them?”

“Yes, please,” Sehun replies. He spends the next few minutes deciding on a product before buying it. It’s when he takes the newly-purchased bag into hand that he looks down and says, “Sowonie, I’m done. What would you like to―”

―and freezes, because Sowon isn’t there.

Blood is pounding in his ears as he looks around fretfully.“Sowon? Oh god, Sowon, where are you?”

His limbs are shaking as he speeds through the store, trying tofind the figure of the little boy. He’s about to break down and scream for help when he finally spots him―

―at the main counter, blinking up at a fountain made up ofvarious sticks of lollipops.

“Sowon! Oh my god,” Sehun chokes out, diving down to scoop the little boy up into his arms. “Don’t ever wander away from me again. You’ve got me so scared…”

“I’m sorry, daddy,” Sowon makes a sad face. “It’s just, this is really pretty! It spins, daddy! And the candy is really delicious,too!”

“Candy―” It’s only then that he notices his son is sucking on a lollipop that looks familiar to the ones displayed on that fountain. “Where did you get this from?”

“An uncle came in and bought this spinny thing, and when he saw that I kept staring at it, he asked if I wanted one, and gave meone! Then they put out a new spinny thing, like wow! How do they make so many spinny things, daddy?”

“Because that’s what they do, they make copies of these things so people can buy them,” Sehun answers distractedly. “Wait, Sowon, you’re telling me you took candy from a _stranger_? What did I say about that?”

The little boy deflates at the stern expression on Sehun’s face.“I’m sorry, daddy, but this candy is really delicious!”

“But―” Sehun looks at his son worriedly. What if the stranger had put something weird in it? What if Sowon is going to get sick from it? What if―

“I don’t think you have to worry, sir,” a store clerk interrupts them, smiling in understanding. “I sold the ‘spinny thing’ here to  the  customer, and he took a candy from it out right in front of me before giving it to him. The candy your son is eating is safe, I assure you.”

“Really?” Upon a nod from the girl, Sehun sighs in relief. “That’s good to hear. But Sowon, you mustn’t take anything from a stranger again, understand? It’s not safe. Not everyone can be as kind as that uncle.”

“I understand, daddy!” Sowon chirps cheerfully, happy thathe gets to continue sucking on the lollipop.

Sehun smiles fondly at him. It’s hard to be mad when Sowon is so cute. “You like this ‘spinny thing’ so much? Then I’ll buy you one. But only if you promise to never take anything from a stranger again, okay?”

“Aye-aye, daddy!”

The next morning, Sehun finds himself inside Jongin’s officeagain, standing nervously before the desk.

“Oh? The color looks darker than usual, today,” Jongin raises an eyebrow as he holds the cup up.

“I―I tried something new…” Sehun mumbles. “Tell me if it’s okay. If not, I can make you another one like the usual…”

Jongin tilts his head at him before taking a sip. Instantly, his eyes widen in surprise. “What is this? It’s not sweet at all, but it still smells so richly of hazelnut! It’s like… hazelnut-flavored coffee, without any creamer added!”

“I―I bought grinded hazelnuts, and poured it in with the coffee seeds when I brewed the coffee… Do you like it?”

“Do I like it―I love it! This is so perfect for someone who doesn’t like sweet things like me!” Jongin marvels. “You did all this for me?”

Sehun twists his hands together. “It wasn’t much…”

“It was. I really appreciate it. Thank you, Secretary Oh Sehun.”

When Sehun finally chances a look at Jongin’s face, he feels his heart stutter at the same kind, _tender_ expression on the latter’s face again.

“I―I’m glad you like it. I’ll be sure to brew your coffee like thisfrom now on. Now, if you’ll excuse me…”

With a quick bow, Sehun hurries out of there, not noticing the unwavering gaze at his back the entire time.

It’s been a few minutes since the door had closed after Sehun walked out, but Jongin still finds himself staring at it blankly.

Finally, he closes his eyes and sighs, dropping back to rest his head on the back of the chair.

“You haven’t changed at all…” he finds himself muttering, voice like a slight breeze in the quiet of the room. “Always so kind… always putting others before yourself… always doing your best to take care of those around you…”

His eyes slowly open, eyes directed on the wall in front of him, where he knows Sehun is a few feet away behind the divider, seated inside his cubicle.

“Is this karma? For you and I to meet again like this?”

Another sigh. His eyes nostalgic for something that’s no longer there.

“Tell me, Sehun… What should I do…?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not @ me taking almost a week just to repost old chapters /fails. imma combine certain chapters together so it doesnt take as long to catch up. this is 4 chapters worth into one, yay!
> 
> if the formatting looks weird im sorry its copied from a pdf so its a bit wonky. i tried fixing it as best as i could. and took out a bunch of italics lol man i sure had a love of italics back then ;; (i still do tbh but try to refrain lol)
> 
> now excuse me as i go feel guilty that Love Redeemer is still at chapter 1 and i havent reposted anything since oops >__>
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/hyuninacc)


	3. Resist You

Sehun rushes through the automatic doors, trying to walk as fast as possible without actually running.

Traffic had been particularly bad today because there was an accident on one of the roads. By the time Sehun had managed to drop Sowon off at his daycare, it was already time Sehun should be in the office, brewing coffee, not starting to catch the next bus to the main Kim Foundation building.

_Should’ve asked Chanyeol to give me a ride_ , Sehun berates in his head. He should look into getting a driver’s license soon, but… there is the issue with buying a car and money…

He’s so caught up in his mullings he doesn’t realize he’s charging ahead when someone is in front of him until he runs smackdab into the person.

“ _Ah―_ ” Sehun yells, recoiling from the impact and about to fall backward when hands shoot out and grabs onto his arms, steadying him onto his feet once again.

“Wow there, careful,” a voice says from above, and Sehun hazily looks up and feels his heart wither inside his chest. “You reallyare a very clumsy person, aren’t you?”

“P―President Kim!” Sehun gasps, trying to scramble backward but the grips on his arms won’t let him, and there are poundings in his ears from how close together they are right now―Sehun can feel Jongin’s chest firm against his own! “I―I’m so sorry, I didn’t see―”

“No need to freak out, it was an accident,” Jongin chuckles,setting him to straighten up easily like one would a child. “But be more careful next time, or you’re going to hurt yourself again.”

Sehun wilts in front of him, knowing the other is referring to more than what happened just now―he’s referring to the coffeeincident last month, too. “Yes… I’m sorry…”

“That kicked little kitten look again,” he hears the other mumbles, but when he blinks up, Jongin is already walking away. “Come on.”

“W―What?”

“We’re heading towards the same destination: the top floor, right? You can come take the VIP elevator with me. That way, you won’t have to wait for interruptions as other people get off on their respective floors.”

“I―It’s okay!” Sehun protests, gaping. “I wouldn’t want to trouble you―”

“Sehun,” Jongin calls out, levelling him with a look. “You’realready late. No need to make yourself more late.”

“I’m sorry,” Sehun repeats for what is probably the millionth time now, feeling shame bubble up inside him. “There was an accident and one of the roads closed… I know I shouldn’t make excuses, but I really didn’t mean to be late…”

“It’s alright. Accident on the road before Gyeongin Expressway, right? I was stuck there, too. Notice how I’m late like you?”

When Jongin turns to him as they step inside the VIP elevator, Sehun feels his heart flutter again at the teasing smile on the other’s face, mischievous yet not malicious at all, so like Kai back  then―

_You need to stop doing this, Oh Sehun_ , he scolds at himself, eyes squeezing shut. _Stop being so taken by everything Jongin does, he doesn’t―_

And then there’s a crashing sound, the ground beneath him thumping hard, and when Sehun opens his eyes, all he can seeisdarkness still.

“What’s happening, is this―”

“Looks like the elevator malfunctioned,” Jongin announces grimly, staring up at the ceiling. There’s a few seconds of silence before a speaker resounds on a corner of the place.

“Mr. Kim?” a static voice rings through. “We’re terribly sorry about this. It seems one of the wires short-circuited and it caused achain reaction in the system―”

“Can you get it fixed?” Jongin interrupts.

“Yes, of course,” the voice answers. “But, umn… It might… take awhile… since this isn’t a power failure so we can’t use the back- up generator, but rather have to manually jumpstart or replace the circuits themselves….”

There’s a sigh from Jongin before he replies, “Just do it as quickly as possible.”

“Yes sir!” A clicking can be heard, which Sehun is guessing the staff had disconnected on them.

“I told you to take this elevator to save time, but it looks like this is costing us more time instead, huh?” Jongin speaks up,andSehun blinks, turning towards him.

It’s fairly dark, but his eyes have adjusted well enough to see the  shadowy figure of the other man, and the wry smile on his face.

“It couldn’t be helped,” Sehun answers, sweeping his gaze about. For a VIP elevator that is usually only reserved for the Presidentto take, it sure is spacious―the area is pretty much doubled the size of the regular elevators, even if only one person uses it frequently. “I’m just surprised this happened…”

“I am, too… In all my years of taking this elevator, this has never happened before.”

“Maybe I’m bad luck,” Sehun mumbles sadly.

“Don’t say that. It’s just bad timing,” Jongin tells him, chuckling. The sound slowly fades out, and Sehun doesn’t notice at first when Jongin takes a few steps backward, back hitting the wall.

“I wonder how long it’ll take…” Sehun mutters, shifting his weight. It’s starting to get hot already from the lack of air conditioning, and the two-piece suit he’s wearing doesn’t help.

“I wonder, too…” Jongin murmurs quietly, and it’s only then does Sehun notice how… _breathy_ his voice is. Almost like it’s out of breath.

“…Mr. President?”

“It better be soon…” Jongin continues, and Sehun watches in surprise when the other man slides down the wall to a crouching position.

“Umn, are you okay…?” Sehun asks, gazing in concern when he can actually _hear_ the other breathing heavily clearly now.

“ _Fuck_ ,”Jonginletsout,andSehunistoo distractedby the tremblings in the other’s body to be shocked at the curse. “I didn’t think this would affect me anymore, but…”

“Are you… claustrophobic?” He takes tentative steps towards the other man when it seems like the latter isn’t moving anytime soon.

“Do you see how huge this elevator is despite only me using it?” Jongin retorts almost bitterly, hands grasping onto his knees. “I thought it had went away, but I guess I only thought that becauseI wasn’t put in that position anymore…”

“Jongin…” Sehun forgets to address the other formally, dropping down onto his knees beside him in worry. “Are you okay? Is there anything I can do?”

“Just… distract me,” Jongin is wheezing by now, and from this close distance, Sehun can see the beads of sweat forming on the man’s temples. “Talk to me. Make menotthinkabouthowwe’re _trapped_ inside this place―”

“Okay, umn…” Sehun wracks his brains for what to say. “Umn, what did you mean by you thought it went away? You can be cured of claustrophobia?”

“I don’t know,” Jongin answers honestly. “I just meant I hadn't been stuck inside an enclosed space in a long time, so I thought I had gotten over it, but…”

Sehun tilts his head. “Does this mean you used to experience this often, before?”

“I…” The other man seems reluctant to continue, and Sehun is about to tell him he doesn’t have to answer if he doesn’t want to, but then Jongin blinks out into the distance and sees the walls surrounding him again, and, almost unconsciously, grabs onto Sehun’s hand, clutching it like some sort of anchor.

Sehun stares down at their linked hands, trying to resist the urge to pull away. Jongin is still shaking all over, jolting Sehun’s hand in the process, and it makes him so anxious for the older man.

“Jongin―”

“I used to be alone a lot when I was a child,” Jongin cuts him suddenly, speaking as if in a daze, like he’s trying to distract himself. “I was always―stuck―inside my own room, with no one to talk to but the four walls confining me, almost like a prison. I guess that’s where I developed my claustrophobia from.”

Sehun stares at him, taking in the words. He hadn’t met Kai until they were in high school, so he supposes it isn’t that farfetched for Kai to have been alone when he was a child. After all, Kai despised talking about his past whenever he was with Sehun.

Kai despised talking about _himself_ in general. He was always asking Sehun questions, always eager to know more aboutSehun, but he wouldn’t let Sehun know him _back_.

Even now, Sehun wonders if he ever did know Kai, at all.

“Once I grew up and wasn’t confined in that damn place anymore, I thought I had… matured. That this is all beneath me. That I’mnot affected by this, anymore, but… I guess I was weaker than I thought.”

“Don’t say that,” Sehun protests. “Claustrophobia is nothing to feel ashamed over. It’s a very real phobia out there that millions of others suffer from.”

There’s a wry chuckle coming from Jongin, but it’s nothing more than puffs of air due to how out of breath he is. “You _would_ say that.”

“What do you mean?”

“I really didn’t want you to see this,” Jongin says suddenly. “I was trying so hard not to show you―” A pause. “I didn’t want you to see this side of me.”

“I’m not going to judge you,” Sehun tells him sincerely. “And Iwon’t tell anyone about this, I promise. I mean, you’ve seen pretty horrendous sides of me, too, and you still… were so kind about it. You didn’t fire me when I spilt coffee all over your desk and important documents, so why would I judge you over this?”

“That wasn’t what I meant, but this is exactly what I was talking about…” Jongin mumbles, a small smile on his face despite how pale he looks.

“Huh?”

“You talk about how I’m so kind to you, but you don’t see that you’re the kindest person of all,” Jongin murmurs, and Sehun freezes when the man circles arms around his waist, pulling him close. “How can you always be so selfless? Such a… beautiful human being…”

“J―Jongin?” Sehun stutters, heart leaping up his throat as Jongin rests his head against his chest, hugging him tightly. “Jongin―”

“I tried so hard,” the older man continues to say, like he hasn’t heard Sehun. Like he’s in a trance, like he’s enraptured. “But I guess, in the end, I’m still that weak boy I was in the past, and I _can’t―_ ”

“Jongin―”

“ _―resist_ you,” Jongin finishes, lifting his head and pulling Sehun down―

―to press their lips together.

Jongin is kissing him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so not only do i fail at updating my new fics i fail at reposting my old fics too al;fja sorry im such a failed author in general T.T
> 
> tbh i just want to hurry up and get to the juicy bits of the story hahaha old readers know what im talking about ;) ~~you know coughthetwinspartcough~~
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/hyuninacc)


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